Some Thoughts on Tom and Time

    If you're a lifelong Patriots fan and have never had a psychedelic experience, yes you have. On March 17, 2020 at 8:44 AM EST, Pats Nation collectively slipped into what can only be described as a "bad trip." In unison we read aloud the words "Forever a Patriot", our brains experiencing the same chemical release as that of a wolf cub curling up in the warm embrace of it's mother. As we attempted to swallow our lower intestines back down our throat, our pace quickened. We scanned the next several lines Tom spent thanking the organization. He's retiring? No no no no that's not right.

"Although my football journey will take place elsewhere..."

We froze. Doubled back. Read it again. And then it happened.  A dull and hollow pop, like the snap of a bamboo branch. Our eyes glazed over. Space and Time ceased to exist. A shit eating grin tugged at the corners of our lips. We let out a noise we had never made before, a noise that turned to a laugh we had never laughed before. It was so plainly obvious. We were tripping balls.

Since that fateful day, this psychedelic event has manifested itself with bizarre visuals and hallucinations. We laughed that same deep laugh when Roberto Gronkowski was traded from a CBD company to join Tom on the Buccaneers. We laughed deeper still at the audacity, the sheer nerve of this alternate reality, when Antonio Brown followed suit. We watched with eyes that looked but did not see as Tom donned a silly gray red costume. It was all there. The dimple chin. The perfect throwing motion, refined to perfection over the past two decades. The PHD of Quarterbacking, acing the test he had all the answers for. But it wasn't real. It couldn't be.

But seriously, all joking and SchtickTok aside, isn't this pain beautiful? Max Kellerman's infamous 2016 cliff prediction is the most recognized "Brady is in decline" cold take. But those frigid takes began as early as the second Super Bowl loss to the Giants. Decline? That's not what these eyeballs saw. For as long as I can remember I have been spouting to anyone that will listen that Tom's replacement is probably still in middle school. That you can look at his potential "deteriorating" skills the same way you'd look at a knuckleballer. When the arm goes, so does he. 

It's been awesome to watch his Imperial March continue on. True, there are moments where it feels like watching an ex lover fall in love with someone new. But as an almost 30 year old man, I'm mature enough now to understand you only know you love her when you let her go. 

If you read this far instead of switching back to Tiktok, I love you. Be back soon. 

 

I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack

Been a while since I put my blogging pants on. Too long my friends.

Let's jump right into last nights Patriot's situation. Easily one of the most frustrating sporting events I've ever witnessed, which is saying something as part of my job is to play wiffleball with first graders.

The first drive of the game was crisp. Love how they hid Dobson behind the tackle in that formation. McDaniels always has a few gems up his sleeve. It felt like we were on our way to another Butt-Fumbleesque rout of the Jets.

Dobson was on the sidelines thinking, "Man this NFL thing is easy! I might score a touchdown every time!" Not so fast Mr. Man.

After that our offense hit a brick wall. Every receiver not wearing number 11 looked like the ghost of Ochocinco. It was as bad as it possibly could have been. It almost felt like Dobson had a checklist and was trying to commit every error available to a wideout. The deep ball wasn't an easy play but that's a catch that needs to be made. Didn't get his head around fast enough on a drag route. Dropped several other catchable balls. There was some discussion that the one play that caused Tom to blatantly yell "Oh MY GOD!!!!" (which if you follow me on twitter you know that turned me on... dude what?? no! never mind) might have been Edelman's wrongdoing but nonetheless. An outing Aaron would probably like to forget. Congrats on the first TD though. Now take a lap.

Kenbrell Thompkins almost gets a pass from me because he almost made the catch of the season. But almost doesn't cut it in this league. Hell of an effort though and the kid has crazy potential.

It didn't help these young receivers that the second half was played in The Great Storm of '13. It was like that scene in Caddyshack except they weren't even close to playing the round of their life.

That brings us to Mr. Julian Edelman who DID play the round of his life last night. If you know me as well as I know me then you ALSO know that I've been a fan of his since day one. I've always wanted him to have an opportunity like this, where he could show what he's really capable of. But for the majority of his career injuries and Wes Welker have been in his way. On this night he was the only human being Tom could rely on. Because as Gisele knows "[her husband] cannot fucking throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time." 13 catches for 78 yards and it would have been 14 for 97 if his best play hadn't been lost to a bogus holding call. Add in the fact he returned 6 punts for an average of 12 yards. The dude is relentless.

Almost unforgivable I've gone this long without even mentioning the D. It finally happened. They were finally tested in a game where our offense didn't have it. A game where they needed to step up and win it themselves. In our Super Bowl era this was common practice. But in recent years it's been hard to judge since we regularly put up 35 a game anyways. They buckled down and got us the W. That was championship defense. Forcing four turnovers is going to win you an awful lot of games.

Chandler Jones might make the Pro Bowl. He also might make Dancing With The Stars.

Jerod Mayo is so consistently reliable he's actually becoming underrated. Needs to be fixed. Dude has been top 5 in the league for tackles since he's arrived. Probably thanks to his pre-game poop.

All that being said this was just one of those games you needed to squeak out any way you could. This is not our finished product. The rookies have so much room to grow. I'd expect Amendola and Gronk to be back for week 3. Bottom line is we're 2-0 on the year and took down two division opponents. A win is a win is a win is a win.

On the Gasol for Rondo rumors

There's nothing pleasant about this rumor, especially it's refusal to die. For that reason and for the sake of argument lets pretend that means its legitimate.

1. I don't want to give up on Rondo. I'm a believer that we haven't seen his best yet. People need to remember at 26 Rondo is still a young man by normal standards and by basketball ones he has yet to reach his peak. It's also worth noting that Rondo has yet to play with teammates who best complement his style of play. He's built for speed but there's never been anyone for him to run the break with. Re-signing Jeff Green next year and using the cap space to surround Rondo with young athletic players would keep the Celtics in the mix.

2. Gasol and Garnett would be a formidable frontcourt. Oddly enough they could make a perfect match. Gasol, always looking for more touches and Garnett, always willing to give the ball up. With Pau down low demanding double teams KG's midrange game would thrive. Not to mention Pau is always top 10 in rebounding, not exactly one of the Celtic's strengths.

3. Giving up Rondo would mean Honey Badger would slide into the starting five. His offensive limitations can be glaring but what should be even harder to miss is how the team responds to his energy. When your point guard is getting on the floor after loose balls, fighting for rebounds, and making good cuts off the ball, it forces everyone to do the same. Offensively his jumper is just as inconsistent as Rondo's but it's undeniable his confidence has grown. His dunk on Durant is evidence of that. He's been pushing the pace and looking to get out ahead of people which is a great sign. Despite all that the Celtic's would still struggle without Rondo playing quarterback. Ray and Paul have so much of their offense generated by #9. Ray's numbers in particular would suffer as he has lost all ability to create his own shot.

That's pretty much all I have on this one. Based on just basketball x's and o's I can't lean either way. Best case scenario this trade would make us more legit contenders this year. Worst case Rondo blossoms in LA, wins a ring with Kobe and possibly Dwight. That's another thing, giving up Rondo would also be to give up any chance we have of landing Howard, and as is it doesn't look good. At the end of the day I could never support this trade. If Pau was still with the Grizzlies it might be a different story. I guess we'll never know.

C's push Knicks even further below .500

Don't know why we always need to go down to the wire like this with the Knicks, but a win is a win. The C's got off to a bit of a sloppy start, maybe trying to re-adjust to having Rondo back on the floor. With Bradley and Moore running the point they mostly started all their offensive sets from the elbows and ran a lot of pick and pops. Rondo's quarterbacking style and ability to penetrate creates a more complex offense.

As they have all season the Celtics cranked up the defensive intensity in the second half, holding the Knicks to just 34 points. Stop me if you've heard this before, but Ray provided some timely threes. He's starting to make a habit of that.

Paul continues to prove that he has dozens of ways to score that he hasn't even invented yet. He dropped 30 points tonight and has obviously been playing at a high level the last 10 games or so. But according to Van Gundy he's still putting himself through intense pre-game workouts, pushing himself to be even more fit.

On an aside, KG three-pointers are a good time.

We're Baaaaaaaack

Who still thinks the C's should blow it up? Anyone? Probably just John Hollinger. That's four in a row now without Ray or Rondo. Paul and KG both look like they had emergency injections of youth from Kobe's German surgeon. Meanwhile the Knicks Big 3 have stormed out of the gate with a 7-11 start. Woops.

34 Things I know after 3 games

1. This regular season is going to be a roller-coaster of emotions. There will be highs and there will also be dramatic lows. It's important to not overreact to either.

2. While of course there could be some complications, a Rondo for Westbrook trade could be the best thing for both teams.

3. KG aged badly during the lockout. He has no lift. No longer has the ability to blow by people or elevate to snare critical rebounds. There will be moments where he will resemble the KG of old but they will be few and far in between.

4. Watching JO is an absolute tragedy and I say that which as much sincerity as I can muster on zero calories. 95 percent of the time he looks to finish he is either A. blocked by the rim or B. blocked by an opponent or C. fouled and sent to the floor. Tough to watch.

5. Rondo can attack the basket at will.

6. Rondo doesn't always have the will to attack the basket.

7. Starting Sasha Pavlovic is very similar to starting Brian Scalabrine. He's not going to make any unforced errors but his lack of athleticism and skill will pretty much bring his overall input back to neutral. At best he can be considered a defensive irritant (a popular Doc compliment for Scal).

8. Keyon Dooling can be a steadying presence off the bench. He can bang home the three and hold down the offense until Rondo returns to the game.

9. Avery Bradley is showing why Doc didn't play him last year. As a 1 on 1 defender he can have very impressive spurts. Offensively he looks like he's just been introduced to the sport.

10. Against the Knicks and the Heat we lost by a Paul Pierce fourth quarter deficit. Even less considering the league rescinded two of our technicals from the Knicks game. Yeah that one we lost by two.

11. Greg Stiesma can block shots. And he's white.

12. Jajuan Johnson isn't ready. But I'd almost prefer to throw him out there with just one instruction. "Run."

13. Seeing Jeff Green travel with the team and participate in team shootarounds makes me sad face.

14. Whenever Rondo get's out ahead of everyone in green on the break and forces a trip to the line I can't help but fantasize of Josh Smith streaking down the court preparing for an alley oop.

15. With Paul returning we will have two players capable of creating their own shot.

16. Pietrus will help defensively and will stretch the floor offensively. He will also give us another injured lower half to stress about.

17. Marquis Daniels gets no respect from officials and I suspect racial profiling. Or something.

18. That Kendrick Perkins guy would come in real handy.

19. The zone will help this year, especially against silly athletic teams like the Heat who can't shoot. If Norris Cole is going to beat us than God Bless em.

20. Even though he can't create for himself I'm convinced Ray could maintain this style of play until he's 50.

21. Brandon Bass is a considerable upgrade over the Fat-Forward-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named.

22. Bass and Chris Wilcox do not yet share the team's overall disdain for offensive rebounds. I like that.

23. Marquis Daniels has crazy twitter game. Beleedat.

24. Despite what some fair-weather fans might say this is a very proud team.

25. In this condensed season there will be similar disappointing stretches. But it's important to understand that for the most part this regular season is fake life. It's all about having a squad that is as healthy as possible when the playoffs roll around.

26. Rondo's jumper does look smoother. I wish there was some site that could compare his shooting percentage when he takes a dribble and when he shoots off the catch. Seems to be considerably better with even just one dribble.

27. Jermaine O'Neal wears a brace on each of his extremities.

28. Even though KG's game is so diminished from what he once was, I still feel a sense of calm and assurance when I see him about to check back in.

29. Take Rondo and Paul out of the lineup at the same time and this team would be high comedy.

30. I would not swap this roster for that of the Dallas Mavericks and I do not just say that out of loyalty.

31. When the Celtics win ESPN analysts will attribute it to their veteran leadership. When they lose it will be on account of their old age.

32. So-called experts saying the Celtics have a need to "turn things around" are wrong. Do they need to improve? Of course. But their full team hasn't seen the floor yet and regardless we're barely out of the gate here.

33. Although, David West would have been nice...

34. This team will be just fine.

Ready for Friday to roll around...

I started mentally preparing myself for the possibility of a lost season about two years ago when Bill Simmons (always a ray of sunshine) mentioned it in one of his columns. As the negotiations droned on I tried to stay emotionally numb. That way there was no where to go but up.

When it finally ended I was obviously going out of my mind. But even amidst my elation I couldn't help but be a little annoyed about how lengthy the wait would be before any actual transactions could be made. Thinking back to the NFL lockout ending it felt like they got right into the thick of things right off the bat.

I knew this period would be full of rumors but I didn't expect anything to this extent. There have been leaks from organizations, a few legitimate trade ideas that could happen, and even some rumors that got started just by a reporter randomly suggesting a trade idea.

Obviously as a Celtics fan these past few weeks have been weird to say the least. Just extremely melodramatic. We're all torn between our loyalty to Rondo and the potential to increase the likelihood of raising another banner with Chris Paul.

Danny Ainge is an incredible executive. He has the guts to pull the trigger on big moves. We all know what happened the last time he made a big deal. But since these rumors have been around a while now, and there has been no opportunity for them to be affectively squashed, it's got me thinking about what it means to be a Celtic, and to be a Celtics fan. The idea of rooting for laundry has popped into my head more than once. Now this isn't a case of just bringing in a big name like when they signed Dominique Wilkins. Swapping Rondo for Chris Paul straight up COULD lead to a championship. But Rondo is my guy. He's our guy. He made the leap into legendary status with the way he performed after D-Wade tried to perform an on-court amputation of his arm.

This is why I could never be an executive. I'm too fiercely loyal. That's the same reason I never have any fantasy teams. I'm uncomfortable saying I'd rather lose in the Conference Finals with Rondo than watch CP3 bring us another banner. But sometimes that's exactly how I feel.